theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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