Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
