A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
