whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
