Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
