So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
