I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
