I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
