he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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