i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
