i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
