You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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