Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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