I hate your face
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
