Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
