You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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