Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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