Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
