Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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