I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
