Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He has the fingertips of a God
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