There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
