debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
