Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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