jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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