I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
