a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
