Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
