We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
