The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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