i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
