ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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