Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
