I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
