Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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