If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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