hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
