If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
