vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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