He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
