haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
