I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
