tell your sister to shave her snatch
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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