I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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