Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My bed smells like the plague
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
