Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
