The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my shit smells like andre
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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