i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
