first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
