weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love accidental penises.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
