Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
