I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
